LIVING HAPPY

Mental Health

LIVING HAPPY

 

There are two days in every week that we should not worry about, two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One is yesterday with its mistakes and cares. Its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. Nor can we erase a single word we’ve said. Yesterday is gone.

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The other day we shouldn’t worry about is tomorrow. Tomorrow is beyond our control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise either in splendor, or behind a mask of clouds but it will rise. And until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

 

This leaves only one day. Today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad, it is the remorse of bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

 

Here’s what God says about yesterday:

“…forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” (Phil.3:13)

“Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past.” (Isaiah 43:18)

 

Here’s what God says about tomorrow:

 

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt.6:34)

“Do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” (Prov.27:1)

Here’s what God says about today:

 “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

 

IN MY RESEARCH TO GET MY FOLLOWERS THE BEST OF MATERIALS TO HELP YOU  MORE ON LIVING THE HAPPY AND FULFILLED LIFE THAT YOU CRAVE. CLICK HERE  TO GET MANY MORE QUESTIONS ANSWERED 

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God bless  you and enjoy your day.
Gabriel
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 Mental Health Mental Health

This week we shall be examining INSPIRATION FROM CHARLIE CHAPLIN
So we recollect 3  his heart-touching statements.

 FIRST OF THE STATEMENTS:  NOTHING IS PERMANENT IN THIS WORLD, NOT EVEN OUR TROUBLES.


why do we cry, weep, mourn  and murmur concerning the troubles we had over and over again and we do not shout and rejoice over and over again on the success we achieved.

I think it is better not to allow your success to get into to your head while preventing your failure from getting into your heart. that will balance the equation. But I believe the best on this subtopic is to count our blessings always.

It is obvious that one cannot live in this wicked and cruel world without experiencing a little hitch here or there. John 16:33says "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but  be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

Back to Chalie Chaplin's statement, Tuely, Your troubles aren't permanent. And if the aren't permanent, it simply means they have an expiry date. The Bible says in 1 Peter 5:7 
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."


Now that you are sure that your troubles are only for a while and that God has promised to take care of your cares only if you would cast them on Him! Why wouldn't you cast your cares on Him and forget them there and watch God take care of them when He sees that you're absolutely relying on Him.

Remember tough time never last but tough people do!

 

HOW DO YOU GET OVER YOUR PAST (AND PAST YOUR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS)

HOW DO YOU GET OVER YOUR PAST (AND PAST YOUR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS)

 

Are you hurting? Has your spouse neglected you? Rejected you? Emotionally abused you?

 

Are you struggling to get over the pain of an affair?

 

Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness. If you’re having marital trouble, the chances are good that you need to put some hurt behind you.

 

It’s one of the most common questions I get. “Mort, I want to make my marriage work. But how do I get over the past?”

 

Here’s the key.

 

The first step is to realize what you’re REALLY trying to accomplish. What does it REALLY mean to get over the past?

 

You can’t change what happened. There’s no time machine that can send you back to relive the past. What’s done is done.

 

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that your situation is hopeless. What I’m saying is that you first have to be clear about what you can and cannot change. You CAN get over your past (as I’ll explain). But you canNOT change events that already occurred.

 

The good news though is that you don’t have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.

 

Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, “Why is this happening to me?” But then a few years later you looked back and you answered that question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it wasn’t so bad.

 

In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a process that leads to something good! 

 

It’s the events that FOLLOW bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times. In other words, it’s your future that determines your past; not the other way around. And since YOU are in charge of your future, then YOU determine the meaning of your past.

 

It’s interesting to think about this in the context of an age-old question: Do we have free choice or is everything predetermined? The answer is YES. Everything is predetermined AND we have free choice.

 

It’s like when you play a card game. You get dealt a hand. And you have no control over the cards you get dealt. It’s predetermined.

 

But you also get to play that hand. You also have free choice.

 

Ultimately, it’s the COMBINATION of the hand you’re dealt and the way you play it that determines the outcome. And it’s the outcome that shapes your view of the original hand you were dealt.

 

I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Bible, but it’s interesting to note that in Chapter 1 of Genesis, God says, “Let US make man in our image.” Look at that verse again: “Let US make man in our image.” Who is “us?” Who is God talking to? There wasn’t anyone created yet.

 

The answer is: God is talking to US. He’s talking to me. He’s talking to YOU. And He’s saying that YOU are partners with Him in the creation of your life.

 

God deals you a hand. There’s nothing you can do to change that. But you get to play that hand. You get to respond to the events of your life. And it’s your response, your actions in the future, which determine the meaning of the events in your past.

 

So how do you get over the past? You don’t have to get over the past. The past is over! What’s important is the MEANING the past has for you NOW. And the MEANING of your past is determined by your actions in the future.

 

The people I know who have the best marriages are people who went through hell in their relationship. They “got over” their past because they used it as a catalyst to IMPROVE their situation. In other words, the painful events inspired them to change themselves and their marriage. And many people I know began this process WITHOUT their spouse.

 

If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain events as birth pains that led to a new AND IMPROVED marriage. THAT’S how you “get over” the past.

 

It’s strange how life works sometimes, but if you play your hand right, your hurts become part of your healing. And, in fact, when it comes to relationships, it’s usually bad times that awaken people to search for new ways.

 

I know you’re hurting. But if you’ll allow me to show you how to rebuild your marriage, show you new ways, your hurt will heal. I can’t make the past go away. But I can help you give it a new meaning. Then, you’ll be “over it.” And you’ll have a GOOD answer to the question: Why did this happen to me?

 

If you’d like further information to help with your marriage, then subscribe to my FREE breakthrough report "7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage" and get a FREE marriage assessment too. To subscribe, CLICK HERE. It’s FREE.

 

Mort Fertel

Author of Marriage Fitness

Marriage Coach

 

I LOVE YOU BUT I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU

I LOVE YOU BUT I’M NOT “IN LOVE” WITH YOU

 

Did your spouse tell you, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you?”

 

What does that statement mean?

 

Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.

 

A person who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” is making a distinction between 2 different feelings. But NEITHER of those feelings are love!

 

When a person says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” they’re saying that I CARE about you but I’m not EXCITED about you.

 

CARING about someone is a good thing. It’s reflective of CONCERN. But it’s different than love. I care about the starving children in Africa, but I don’t love them.

 

Being EXCITED about someone is also a good thing. But it’s different than love. I might be excited to have a relationship with the President of the United States or a Hollywood star, but that doesn’t mean I love them.

 

While someone who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” seems to be making a distinction between “different loves;” in fact, they are expressing their confusion about what love really is. And that’s why they’re having marital problems and maybe even an affair (because who are they IN LOVE with?).

 

Love is something we articulate in the vocabulary of ACTION. Love is a verb. It’s not a feeling you get from another PERSON; it’s an experience you receive as a result of DEEDS YOU DO for another person.

And those deeds are not a secret. In other words, love is NOT a mystery! There are specific things you can do with your spouse to solve your problems and build love in your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you can “make” love.

This is exactly why I created the Marriage Fitness program. I wanted to offer people a step-by-step system to make and maintain love in their marriage. And the program works for any marriage, even if only one spouse does it.

Very often in my private coaching sessions, someone will say to me, “I love my spouse, but I’m not IN LOVE with my spouse.”

 

My immediate response is to ask, “Can you list for me 5 ways in the last week that you’ve DEMONSTRATED your love for your spouse?”

 

I usually hear noise on the other end of the phone; grunts, partial statements, and gasps for breath, but none of what I hear ever passes for an answer to my question.

 

“I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” is a cop out. It basically means that I have no clue how to make a relationship last LONG-TERM so I’m exiting to get high from another short-term romance. But whoever they’re IN LOVE with now will also eventually hear, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.”

 

Of course, this is all fine and good, but it’s really your spouse who needs to hear this, right?

 

Do NOT print this email out and give it to them. And do NOT tell them what I said.

 

Getting your spouse from “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” to “Okay, let’s give this another chance” is a tricky task. If this is your situation, it’s crucial you handle it strategically. One false step and your marriage could be over. If you take the right steps, you can draw your spouse back in and begin to restore your marriage TOGETHER. How do you do that?

 

Learn more about the Marriage Fitness system of relationship renewal by subscribing to my FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and getting a FREE marriage assessment. Click here to subscribe. It’s FREE.

 

Warm regards,

Mort Fertel

Author of Marriage Fitness

Marriage Coach

 

WHAT TIME IS IT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE?

WHAT TIME IS IT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE?

 

Many people think the goal of life is to be happy. I don’t think so.

 

Have you ever been to a funeral? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time to be sad. Did you ever take the SAT’s, the MCAT’s, or any other important entrance test? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time for intensity. Have you ever waited for test results from a medical exam? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time to worry. Have you ever encountered a lot of turbulence on an airplane? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time to be scared.

 

The goal of life is NOT to be happy. The goal of life is to know what time it is.

 

Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.

 

“Everything has its season. And there is a time for everything under the heaven.”

“A time to be born and a time to die.”

“A time to weep and time to laugh.”

“A time to wail and time to dance.”

“A time to rend and time to mend.”

“A time to be silent and a time to speak.”

“A time to love and a time to hate.”

“A time for war and a time for peace.”

 

What time is it for you?

 

If you’re reading this, then maybe it’s time to renew your marriage. Is so, then subscribe to my FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get my FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.

 

Warm regards,

Mort Fertel

Author of Marriage Fitness

Marriage Coach

 

HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO HEAR YOU

HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO HEAR YOU

 

Recently I had a series of private phone sessions with a person who was very frustrated. Listen to how this person described their situation. I bet you’ll be able to relate to it.

 

This person said they felt trapped in their basement trying to communicate with their spouse via Morse Code. They said they were banging on the pipes trying desperately to be heard. They would bang on the pipes and wait for a response. Bang and wait…bang and wait…bang and wait. But each time they finished banging, there was silence. No matter how hard they banged and no matter how long they waited; their spouse never heard them.

 

Hi. My name is Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.

 

Are you trying to get heard? Do you feel ignored? Is your spouse not responding to your communication?

 

We live in an interesting time. With one click, you can communicate with anyone in the world. It’s easy, quick, and free. You even have options. If you don’t want to click, you could dial, beep, page, instant-message, or Fed Ex. It’s true. Your ability to communicate with the outside world has become increasingly easy. But my guess is that your ability to communicate with your spouse has become increasingly difficult.

 

The reason for this is that most people confuse INFORMATION communication with PERSONAL communication. Technological advancements give us all sorts of options to communicate information. But how do you feel the pulse of someone’s soul? How do you communicate the subtleties in your heart? You can’t text message that. You can have the latest and greatest in communication gadgets, but it won’t matter. PERSONAL communication is a whole different ball game. And it’s PERSONAL communication that determines the success or failure of your marriage.

 

I’m reminded of a scene from a Broadway play. A man and woman happen to meet on a train and engage in polite conversation. They were both headed home to New York after a day in New Haven, CT. After further discussion, they learned that they were going to the same building on Fifth Avenue. Lo and behold they discovered that they had the same daughter and lived in the same apartment. They finally discovered that they were husband and wife.

 

You know what’s killing marriages these days? EMAIL! More and more I’m seeing husbands and wives resort to email to communicate with each other. You want to do something tangible TODAY to improve your marriage? STOP EMAILING YOUR SPOUSE! Email is for INFORMATION. But in a marriage you’ve got to HEAR each other. And I don’t mean hear the sounds of each other’s words. You’ve got to be able to hear the silence between the sounds and interpret the unspoken meaning of a pressed lips or teary eyes. You’ve got to be able to hear the shapes and sounds in each other’s heart. You can NOT accomplish this via email.

 

And let me be clear about something; you can’t do it with communication techniques either. There’s no clinical communication therapy that can help you and your spouse think each other’s thoughts, feel each other joy, and cringe from each other’s pain. My 1-on-1 phone session schedule and the Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp are filled with casualties from traditional communication strategies and the usual marriage counseling approach. If you’re like most people with marriage trouble, you’ve been down that path and you know that it does NOT work.

 

Today my 4-year-old son came to me with a bruise on his leg. He was crying and I could see that it was black and blue. He said, “Daddy, I need a band-aide.”

 

I responded, “But it’s not bleeding.”

 

He said again, “Daddy, can you put a band-aide on it?”

 

I realized that my son’s perspective was that when something hurts a band-aide makes it better…even if it’s a bruise and not a cut.

 

So what does this have to do with communication in a marriage? Because most people think that if spouses aren’t hearing each other that communication techniques will solve the problem. But that’s like putting a band-aide on a bruise. It’s the wrong solution.

 

Communication techniques can help colleagues transmit INFORMATION clearly. Communication techniques belong in seminars that teach negotiation and sales. But you’re not trying to complete a transaction with your spouse; you’re trying to renew a relationship. I can almost guarantee you that your problem is not clarity; it’s concern. Ironically, communication techniques sometimes give people clarity that they don’t care what their spouse thinks or feels. They “got it,” but “it” doesn’t matter to them anymore.

 

How do you get back to the place where you and your spouse care again?

 

This is one of the things that’s unique about the Marriage Fitness approach to repairing a relationship versus traditional counseling. Most approaches to marriage success preach communication skills. But communicating effectively will NOT create love in your marriage. In fact, the correlation is the opposite. Creating love in your marriage paves the way for effective communication. I’ll prove it to you.

 

Think about when you fell in love. How was your communication? Good, right? In fact, when you’re in love, you communicate with the wink of an eye and you can finish each other’s sentences. And yet you haven’t known each other that long and you haven’t learned any communication techniques.

 

Then, years later, after getting to know each other inside and out, employing psychologically tested and proven communication strategies, and taking into account all the differences between Mars and Venus, you can’t get through to each other.

 

Listen carefully: Communication has very little to do with techniques or knowledge of each other. It has everything to do with the depth of connection between the communicators.

 

The question you should be asking is NOT, “How do I communicate effectively with my spouse.” The question you should be asking is, “How do I connect with my spouse again?” Once you reconnect, you won’t be sitting in silence in the basement. You’ll hear the sound of the pipes from above. It’ll be your spouse. You were heard. 

 

If you want to learn how to connect with your spouse again, subscribe to my FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get my FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.

 

Warm regards,

Mort Fertel

Author of Marriage Fitness

Marriage Coach

 

IS YOUR MARRIAGE CRUSHING YOU LIKE A GRAPE? DO SOMETHING FAST TO SAVE IT WHEN YOU STILL CAN!

 

IS YOUR MARRIAGE CRUSHING YOU LIKE A GRAPE?
Have you ever been to a winery?

 

Hi. My name is Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.

 

Can you imagine what it would be like to be one of those grapes? Really…play along with me here for a moment.

 

Can you imagine what it would be like to be plucked, pushed, crushed, pressed, skinned, and fermented? OUCH! The pain! What’s the point of it all?

 

A lot of people feel that way about the pain they experience in their marriage. “Why am I doing this? Where is this relationship going?”

 

But just as a grape goes through a difficult process before it becomes a fine wine, sometimes our marriage has to go through a painful process before it matures.

 

The people who have the best marriages are NOT people who grew up well-adjusted, have healthy adult lives, and normal parents. People like that usually have OKAY marriages.

 

The BEST marriages are with couples who were crushed, who went through a painful process, and who built their relationship from the ruins of broken hearts.

 

There’s an ancient song by King David, “Those who sow in tears will reap harvest in glad song.”

 

And so it is that pain is often the preview to pleasure. Any woman who has experienced child birth can testify to this truth.

 

In my work doing marriage coaching, I have noticed that very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. It’s not until they’ve been through the worst that things start to get better.

 

But the turnaround in a marriage is NOT automatic. Just because you hit bottom, does NOT mean you’ll bounce back. If you don’t make it happen, you’ll just crash. In order to turn your marriage around, you have to take RESPONSIBILITY.

 

What does it REALLY mean to be responsible? A person who is responsible has the ABILITY to RESPOND. In other words, if you take response-ability for your marriage, then your marriage is not determined solely by what happens; it’s also determined by how you RESPOND to what happens.

 

A responsible person is not a victim to their circumstances. They are the master of their fate. How you respond to your marital circumstances today WILL determine your marital circumstances tomorrow. YOUR actions create your marriage. You can turn sour grapes into a fine wine.

 

If you know how to do this, then do it now. If you need help, then USE ME. I can help you. Years ago my marriage was hours from “done.” I turned it around and I can show you how too. I’ve helped thousands of marriages. Have you seen the miracle stories on my web site?

 

Making a relationship work is not mystical. Love is NOT a mystery. You don’t have to be “lucky in love.” You can “make love.” You just have to know the recipe.

 

If you want to learn more about how I can help you, subscribe to my FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get my FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. or copy and paste on your browser http://www.MortFertel.com/cmd.asp?af=1665710. It’s FREE.

 

Warm regards,

Mort Fertel

Author of Marriage Fitness

Marriage Coach

 

#OVERCOME HEAVYNESS AND BE #HAPPY

 

OVERCOME HEAVYNESS AND BE HAPPY

It may not be madness to get mad at people sometimes but it is outright madness to stay mad. Holding grudge against someone will never change that person you’re grudging for the better but the act rather changes you for the worse. It gives you headache, it makes your stomach hurt, makes you lose concentration, it raises your blood pressure, it clogs your brain and clouds your mental vision, it chains down your spirit man and badly affects your prayer life- because in that situation, God can never answer your prayers while holding grudge against anyone (Matt 5:23&24). And most importantly, should rapture take place, and meet unforgiveness…... you are not going anywhere.

It negatively affects everything in you and you in everything you do. Something that negatively affects your spirit and soul has a devastating effect on your body too. Matt 18:21-35, makes us understand that those who don’t forgive others are denied of healing, deliverance, and a place in kingdom of God. They are even to delivered to the devils to be tortured till they pay for all their sins- the debt no man can ever pay (Matt 18:34)..

Hatred is a self-addressed envelop.

There is another terrible type of grudge and hatred. This one happens when you anticipate that someone would offend you, and then you hate them for what they have not even done beforehand. Though, oftentimes they won't offend you when you finally have an encounter with them, but by this time, your heart is already clouded by what you expected and the true love, joy and enthusiasm can never be there. You may fake it, but that indicates more spiritual and intellectual bondage and it also proclaims your weakness and doing it makes you mentally and spiritually weaker each time. Why not just live a free and peaceful life by setting others free and letting them be at peace in your heart. They are only in the abstract bondage of your heart; they don't experience the bondage in real life after all. You're the one carrying the heavy load.

Simply let it go before it gets down in you and take root. A foothold you allow for the devil will soon become a stronghold. So, give no room for the devil

You say but it’s not easy to do!!

I am not saying it is easy to do either. Something that is not easy to do only require strength to accomplish. Only those people who go through each day without carrying any load of grudge or malice or hatred to their beds are those empowered to do so.  Only the strong, loving and compassionate people can forgive without looking back on their decision.

HOW TO LET GO AND BE HAPPY

we shall consider three things ways;

1.       STRENGHT:

Phil 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ which strentheneth" please note the word STRENGTHENET OR STRENGTHENS. I also love the way The Darby's Translations put it. It says "I have strength for all things in him that gives me power." This simply means that God keeps giving us power and strength to do all things (including forgiving others and overlook or letting go where necessary) each moment, hour, and in everyday of our life- as much as we can ask him for it. For he said in matt 7:7 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" Numbers 14:28 also Says "......... As truly as I live, saith the LORD, as ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I do to you:"

Think of the strength Jesus possesses, so much that He not only forgave but also prayed for those who crucified Him.in luke 22:41-44 Jesus, knowing the great task of been brutally crucified without commiting any sin, prayed so much “…his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground vs 44.”  And we learnt that after he’d prayed earlier, “And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.”

Much of the strength to "overcome evil with good" as the Bible commands in (Romans 12:21) lies in love and that leads us into the next point;

2. LOVE AND COMPASSION:

 If you're truly a child of God, you will possess the spirit of God(Holy Spirit) which is the spirit of Love. Remember "Where the spirit of God (Spirit of Love) is, there is liberty"!

 2Cor 3:17 says "Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." Now, the Lord is the spirit, the Spirit of The LORD, and God is Love. Now you understand that both God, The Holy Spirit, Lord Jesus and Love are all one and that is why God is so loving and compassionate enough to spare you, even you, till this day in-spite of uncountable sins with which you have offended Him. Not only that, He also sent His only Son Jesus Christ to die for those sins of yours and mine. He was able to do all these because Love and compassion is who God is. 1John 4:8 "For God is Love" Paslm 145: 8 "The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy."  Prov 10:12 “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but LOVE covereth all sins.”

When you possess the spirit of God, the fruits or characteristics of God will be present in you. That is, you begin to behave (Love) like God. Gal 5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith…”

3. TAKE THE HIGHWAY AND DON'T TAKE THE BAIT:

Help yourself to escape from the net of hatred that the devil has spread for before you. And ask God for help too-daily. He sets this trap and tries to persuade you to travel in that path so that he can capture and torture you. you see, the devil uses someone to tempt(offend) you, and then he comes back to you preaching hatred, expanding and yet forcing the issue, making you see the reasons why you shouldn't free them from the cage of your heart. He does this, so that he can have the opportunity to put you in his own many bondages- yes, many bondages.

We can forgive people, no matter what the do to us, through strength in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 6:10 says “be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.”

Let it go and be happy!!!
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